February 12, 2012 – Mortality

What I forgot to add was how fragile I felt for the next couple of weeks.  Walking down the steps from my grandmother’s second story apartment I held the banister tightly.  While driving I felt like Step on a Crack… and was completely spooked that I’d be T-boned any second.  I was blown away that we break that easily, that in a split second we can be gone.  Twenty-five is too young to be so aware of your mortality.

Unlike the betrayal of my body at 27.  Playing C league softball I blew out my ACL.  I was playing left field and was cutting for a ball when I felt it go.  I dissolved to the ground more in shock than anything.  My coach and fellow players told me later they were dying because I didn’t reach over and throw the ball home from the ground.  Did I mention I was in total shock?  I had never suffered an injury before – never a broken bone, operation, bloody nose, none of it.  I didn’t know your body could do things you didn’t authorize it to do.  (This lesson gets learned many more times from eating myself into my current weight to the discovery I was a lesbian.  Best lesson ever – you can’t help who you fall in love with.   Thank you Peggy R.)

So I go dancing, yep dancing with the softball team after the game.  I had no idea the extent of the damage to my knee.  My coach shared with me later, “Yeah, I knew you had blown your ACL by the way you went down but what would be the point in tellin’ ya?  You couldn’t see a doctor that night anyway.” So there’s me dancing with a knee the size of a cantaloupe putting ice on it between sets.  27 was a great year but I’m not sure the ignorance was a blessing or a curse.

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