So we got married yesterday. Technically it was a civil union. Dan and Pam stood as witnesses. It’s kind of a big deal I guess even though it’s not our real celebration with religious folk and loved ones and a big party. The lady at the desk of the marriage bureau told me I looked nice. Really? In my best dark jeans and nicest red sweater? Have the other lesbos been coming through in overalls and Carhartts? “Thank you,” I say, “But this isn’t our real ceremony. We’ll have something in the summer and I will probably wear a sleeveless dress.” The woman just looks at me. “I guess you don’t believe that but I will. I wore a really smashing sleeveless dress to her 50th birthday party.” I gesture towards Cathy. The woman smiles at me praying for this conversation to be over. Why I feel compelled to explain myself to this woman, God knows.
On both the day we went for the license and on the day of the j.o.p. ceremony, we got some looks from people. On the first day a black man and a white woman came in for a marriage license. They looked like they spent the afternoon at the bar of the local VFW and decided today was the day. It was a good thing too. She only had one snaggle tooth left in her head and if she waited much longer she would have been completely toothless. They glared at us as if to say, I can’t believe you people can get married. And I was praying I hope you people don’t exercise your right to procreate.
Yesterday a party of about 20 people, almost all in sweatpants were waiting their turn for nuptials. Granny in the wheelchair was missing a leg. Some of them were suffering from Graves disease they way they looked at us.
As we left the officiant said to us, “Come back and see us.”
“Why, is polygamy legal now too?” I ask. One of the sweatpants gets it and laughs.