I stood on the rails til I saw that train just to see how my heart would react. I thought that maybe if I gave myself a good scare, taunted death, it would give me a sense of perspective, of clarity. Who am I kidding. I’m not wating around. There will be no close call, not with me. If I imagine the shadow of a reflection in a dream of a train I’m outta here. I keep thinking the movie Fried Green Tomatoes, where the character gets his shoe stuck in the rails and is killed. Or people who play chicken. Or people who commit suicide. My heart is not strong enough for this. I never went to the tracks. I sat at home just considering doing it and and my heart hammered like a freight bearing down. There. Clarity while day dreaming on my futon. That’ll work.